Sick … really, this is sick
Minnesota has a methamphetamine epidemic. We have one of the coldest climates in the continental United States. Our sport’s teams (with the exception of a 16 year old Base Ball Team) have either never made it big, or made it big and then left us. For a rather ‘cultured’ metro area we have a pithy excuse for an Opera crowd. Our brand of say ‘hello’ then stab you in the back mentality (aka. Minnesota Nice) have all been overshadowed by a new sickening Midwestern Dilemma.
Minnesotans are horrible motor vehicle operators. I know what you’re thinking, ‘every city has a few bad drivers’. You are correct. I have driven in New Orleans, Memphis, Chicago, Houston and Fargo. I can honestly say there were bad drivers there. In Mayham Minnesota, bad drivers are not the exception, they are the norm.
I was born and raised in this frozen tundra (see picture above). So you might be wondering how a ‘pure blood‘ could be so judgmental if he were endowed with the same slow-as-molasses blood that churns within all the other four wheelin’ sycophants that make this grand state run. Well, kind friend, I was indeed born here (St. Louis Park Methodist (thanks John*)) and I was raised here. But you would be wrong in assuming I am a ‘pure blood’. My parents, both Southerners (Houston and New Orleans respectively) not only raised me in the rootin’ tootin’ ways of the south, I was conceived (copulated, not intellectualized) in Houston. The blood that flows in my veins loves speed, a leave-late-and-show-up-early schedule and answering questions before they are fully expressed. I am an alien among natives, a weed among flowers, a bee among fertile daisies.
So let that very descriptive autobio** sink in as I tell you what has been happening recently to the motor vehicle operators in the North Star State.
– Gas Prices –
That’s right, gas prices. Let that sink in for a moment. Did rising gas prices lower the number of Minnesotans on the road? A little. Did the sinking of gas prices elevate the number of MVOs*** in Minnesota? A little. Did the new morale of lower gas prices and higher numbers of cars on the road increase the slow-as-molasses driving mentality of the ‘pure blood’ population?
Now I know what you are thinking****, there is no evidence lower gas prices promote horrible***** driving MVO operation. Well, as with your poor assumption of my ‘pure blood‘ status; you have missed out on an important piece of information.
Look at this picture
I want you to consider two things when you look at this picture.
1. How expensive was gasoline for this MVO?
2. How fast was the vehicle moving?
The answer to both questions is an abhorrently low number.
* Yes, this is a reference to John Weseley
** Yes this is a new way (i discovered just now) in saying autobiography – this means I wrote my biography. You may read it again by scrolling above.
*** You catch on quick! Motor Vehicle Operators.
**** I know the big guy, he tells me stuff.
***** It’s really horrible, look at this picture