Mad, Bad & Frankly Sad Drivers

dansig

Sick … really, this is sick

freezing

Minnesota has a methamphetamine epidemic. We have one of the coldest climates in the continental United States. Our sport’s teams (with the exception of a 16 year old Base Ball Team) have either never made it big, or made it big and then left us. For a rather ‘cultured’ metro area we have a pithy excuse for an Opera crowd. Our brand of say ‘hello’ then stab you in the back mentality (aka. Minnesota Nice) have all been overshadowed by a new sickening Midwestern Dilemma.

Minnesotans are horrible motor vehicle operators. I know what you’re thinking, ‘every city has a few bad drivers’. You are correct. I have driven in New Orleans, Memphis, Chicago, Houston and Fargo. I can honestly say there were bad drivers there. In Mayham Minnesota, bad drivers are not the exception, they are the norm.

I was born and raised in this frozen tundra (see picture above). So you might be wondering how a ‘pure blood‘ could be so judgmental if he were endowed with the same slow-as-molasses blood that churns within all the other four wheelin’ sycophants that make this grand state run. Well, kind friend, I was indeed born here (St. Louis Park Methodist (thanks John*)) and I was raised here. But you would be wrong in assuming I am a ‘pure blood’. My parents, both Southerners (Houston and New Orleans respectively) not only raised me in the rootin’ tootin’ ways of the south, I was conceived (copulated, not intellectualized) in Houston. The blood that flows in my veins loves speed, a leave-late-and-show-up-early schedule and answering questions before they are fully expressed. I am an alien among natives, a weed among flowers, a bee among fertile daisies.

So let that very descriptive autobio** sink in as I tell you what has been happening recently to the motor vehicle operators in the North Star State.

– Gas Prices –

gasoline

That’s right, gas prices. Let that sink in for a moment. Did rising gas prices lower the number of Minnesotans on the road? A little. Did the sinking of gas prices elevate the number of MVOs*** in Minnesota? A little. Did the new morale of lower gas prices and higher numbers of cars on the road increase the slow-as-molasses driving mentality of the ‘pure blood’ population?

Absolutely.

Now I know what you are thinking****, there is no evidence lower gas prices promote horrible***** driving MVO operation. Well, as with your poor assumption of my ‘pure blood‘ status; you have missed out on an important piece of information.
Look at this picture handsomecab-logo-gif

I want you to consider two things when you look at this picture.
1. How expensive was gasoline for this MVO?
2. How fast was the vehicle moving?

The answer to both questions is an abhorrently low number.

Not convinced?

* Yes, this is a reference to John Weseley
** Yes this is a new way (i discovered just now) in saying autobiography – this means I wrote my biography. You may read it again by scrolling above.
*** You catch on quick! Motor Vehicle Operators.
**** I know the big guy, he tells me stuff.
***** It’s really horrible, look at this picture

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4 Comments

  1. You have got to be kidding?! HaHaHa

    I have driven from MN to FL and back two times over, I have driven to Arizona and California, and I can tell you, MN drivers are amongst the best anywhere. Florida has the worst. People is the South are just too damn slow and lazy on the road.

    But, funny nonetheless!

    Reply

  2. I’m in CA right now, smack dab in between San Diego and LA; where drivers are supposed to be insane. Let me tell you it has been a relief, a quite unexpected break from the insanity of MN drivers. They are mean.

    In MN, when I get on the entrance ramp, every last mini van tried to run me off the road lest I should merge in front of them. When I would put my blinker on to change lanes, without fail the car behind me in the lane I intended to move into would gun it and block me. At times, I would put my blinker on and think, “That’s right, monkey, I knew you would dance for me. HAHAHA!”

    Now here in CA, even driving on the infamous 5 everyday, when I put on my blinker, lo and behold, people allow me to merge. When I’m entering the highway, people move into the next lane over and go on. They have no need to challenge every last car they pass. Even the men in mini vans seem to have nothing to prove. It’s amazing.

    CA drivers are a dream come true in contrast to MN. I mean night and day. I’ve driven to LA more than once and loved every minute of it, because even when in gridlock I’ve seen people be kind and helpful to other drivers (at the very least in comparison to MN (and WI), where I’ve been forced off the road more than once.)

    I’m telling you guys, everything is better in CA.

    Reply

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