Interview with “The Pluralist”

Tony SigThis is Church of England radio, we’re here with famed blogger of infinite wit, “The Pluralist” and we’re talking about his fantastic wit. Welcome.

Pluralist – Thank you for having me and for recognizing just how good of a blogger I am.

CoER – Now we here were wanting to talk today about the recent General Convention of The Episcopal Church.

Pluralist – Yes well, we all know that Tom Wright is a dunce.

CoER – Right… well, uh I was more wanting to ask what you feel the reprocussions might be of D025 and C056?

Pluralist – I’m so glad you asked.  You see us liberals, we like compromise, and that’s just what I think happened there.  They looked at what was going on they said: “Right.  Well, this seems as good a time as any to compromise”  And, as  a liberal, I can’t imagine anything being more grand than rejecting all this centralization and power mongering that the Archbishop is all on about.  We need to keep power to ourselves see.  Power in the hands of people like me.  The  problem is that power is with all these people who believe things.

CoER – So you’re saying you don’t believe things?

Pluralist – Of course I don’t believe in things!  I have a master’s degree in “Modern-things-I-don’t-believe-in”  I write it at the bottom of all my writings.  I feel that with a degree in MTIDBI I can more readily write uncannily sarcastic and degrading blog posts.  Now I have no problem with people believing in things, provided they are things that I believe in.  And if they don’t that’s fine.  I feel that by compromising and blog posts and by being liberal then I can make people feel small for believing in things.

CoER – Uhm, wait…now why are you in the Church of England if you don’t believe in things?

Pluralist – Well of course I believe in things.  I believe that people are numbers.  And if I group similar numbers together, box ’em all up, and compare them, I find that all the boxes believe in something.  I have another degree in “People-are-numbers”  It’s the objective and liberal way to look at people.  Well see, if all the boxes..

CoER – …you mean people?

Pluralist -…right, if all the numbers believe in Something, then that Something must be real right?

CoER – That doesn’t sound very analytical

Pluralist – The wonderful things about having a degree in “People-are-numbers” and in “Modern-things-I-don’t-believe-in” is that whereas the boxes believe in something, I get the real scoop.  I know what the Something is, and it is nothing at all like they think.  That’s why I’m in the Church of England.

CoER – Could you elaborate further?

Pluralist – Of course Graham King is a barmpot.  I don’t see how I could be very much clearer.  I believe in Something.  And that something is Cultural see?  And since Culture in England is in the Church of England, I figure this is as good a place as any to believe in nothing…

CoER – …you mean Something?

Pluralist – Well, the Church believes in something, and that’s alright for them, even though they don’t really know that they’re berks, in time, if I compromise enough they’ll come around;  I figure I can piggy back on their belief, sully it with incredible wit, and really believe whatever I objectively choose to believe.  Who doesn’t like dressing up in fancy clothes and talking from a podium?  That’s why I joined.  It’s cultural.  If I dress up in the right clothes I get to be religious with them, even though what they believe is poxy.  Virgin Births and bodily Resurrections…who ever heard of such silly things?

CoER – Well we in the Church of England tends to believe in those things.

Pluralist – And that’s fine.  I want everybody to believe in what they want, until they believe in what I do.  But it’s when people start going on about what’s on in Jimmy’s trousers that I get upset.  I figure, if I want in Jimmy’s trousers what’s that to ya?  That’s when I do get upset when people aren’t liberal enough.

CoER – Splendid.  Do you mind if we take a call?

Pluralist – Not at all

CoER – Hello, Erika…you have a question?

Erika – Yes, I was wondering “Why do you avail yourself of the outer forms of worship if its core content is meaningless to you? What are you saying, when you guide us through the prayers of penitence, through the hymns, the readings…”

Pluralist – Erika, thank you for asking.  I’ve always liked goodies.  And if I connect the dots of all my favorite goodies, it points to something.  You see, when you have a degree in “People-are-numbers” then it becomes plain that goodies point to something…

Erika – Like God?

Pluralist – God?! Are you barmy?  No no no.  It points to the possible uncertainty of buddhist, neo-platonic meness.  On the field of transcendent goodies – to use my own theological language – there can be only dress up and games.  And who dresses up like the Church of England?  The way I see it, if I use someone else’s language to express my own transcendent meness, I feel like a better ape.

CoER – Thank you Erika, I think we have a better idea of the depth of the Pluralists ‘theology’ – One last question Adrian…Why do like writing about Anglicanism so much?

Pluralist – Really, I’m quite bored.

CoER – Thank you


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8 Comments

  1. Ah very good. You flatter me too much! I think, though, that you’re wrong that I believe in people as numbers. I definitely don’t believe in people as numbers, in a sort of postmodern way. But the rest is bang on, within the same expanding bubble, with the exceptions that I don’t think Tom Wright and Graham Kings are dunces. Well, there’s always doubt about these things of course, but I bet they hold good conversations.

    Reply

  2. Anthony, bravo! You know Pluralist better than he knows himself. You knew exactly the proper direction in which to take the interview to draw forth the real Pluralist behind the facade of degrees and such.

    And that Erika! She asks incisive questions that quickly get to the heart of the matter of Pluralist’s beliefs/unbeliefs.

    Pluralist’s statement, “On the field of transcendent goodies – to use my own theological language – there can be only dress up and games,” sums up the very essence of Anglicanism, don’t you think?

    Reply

  3. I do not think I have ever met “Pluralist.” Does he play video games like the guy from South Park shown in the second cartoon above? Why does he call himself “Pluralist”? Is he a multiboxer (playing plural characters) in World of Warcraft?

    Hmm… since this is a religion blog “Pluralist” is probably someone who thinks it is good that there is more than one religion. Perhaps he is like the guy that is happy that there are numerous ways off of the island he lives on, but he does not realize that only one route has a dependable bridge, and the others are still under permanent construction.

    Maybe he is a radical “Pluralist” who thinks there is no absolute truth and believes that everyone must become just like him in order to be truly open and loving. Perhaps he believes that there is no absolute wrong except the belief that there is an absolute wrong. Tolerant of everything except intolerance, believing that he judges no one except those who judge, thinking that the only thing true is that there is no truth, and so open minded that his brains are falling out.

    On second thought, I wonder if I may have met “Pluralist.” Under all of that make-up and the wig his wearing in the photo above, he looks like a politician from the last election.

    Reply

  4. Roger,

    “The Pluralist” is a religious commentator over in England and a self proclaimed “liberal” in regards to religion.

    His posts are usually rather funny satiritizations of current Anglican events and writings. I, of course, differ from him by miles, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is hilarious.

    Wanting to sharpen my own satirical skills I decided to give him a go on this one. The picture of the WOW player from South Park is the closest I can get to the playful charicature’s that he puts up on his blog.

    Reply

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