“For the time will come when they will not endure soundly crafted beer; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves imitations, having itching mouths;
And they shall turn away their tongues from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables, light beers and illusions.”
Every generation it seems needs an Athanasius. Not least in these evil times. There are a great many false beers about, deceiving the faithful and keeping them from coming into his glorious light, which is not light in that evil sense, but rather the Truth in golden, red, brown or black. The problem with heresy, like the beers that heretics drink, is that often times there is a significant overlap with true orthodoxy. But all it takes is a turn to the left or the right and fire will be their destination, for their god is their belly.
But fear not. We Theophiliacs are a Voice calling in the Wilderness. Behold, the axe is at the foot of the 12 pack, and any malted beverage that does not show good fruit will be chopped down. If you drink any of these beers, Repent! For the kingdom of God is at hand!
Arius was by some accounts, a bit of a conservative. Having the support of large swaths of the Church at various points it has been written that this falling away from the catholic doctrine was so pervasive that there was a time about which St. Jerome would say,”the Church awoke to discover that it had become Arian.”
Similarly, Newcastle Brown Ale has assumed such a wide audience that it is difficult not to find it at any moderately reputable bar and liquor store. One the surface of it, Newcastle does not appear a heretical beer. “How can a beer this brown be heretical? Surely all damnable beers are light?” But it is not so. The brown color is a veil, underneath which is a pasteurized and negligibly mediocre beer. It has no complexity, no nuance, no identifiable traits to set it apart from other beers in this category. This is of course the allure of heresy, it is always clothed with reference to the true and good.
Be not deceived! Look for these other Brown Ales and be reconciled with the Church.
- Surly Bender (and Surly Coffee Bender) – A fruity, dry, surprisingly hoppy and thoroughly original Brown Ale. From the Twin Cities’ best brewery.
- Rogue Hazelnut Brown Nectar – Classic West Coast Brewery offers what many think is the greatest brown ever. Widely available
- Indian Brown Ale from Dogfish Head Craft Brewery – Wild and original combination of a Scotch Ale and an IPA
- See also this post.