Time for this BS to Die: God is NOT Like Any of this Stuff!


Most, if not all, Christians on the internet or friends of Christians on the internet have received one of those “God is like Bayer Aspirin” things in a serial email, or have seen it on a blog.  If not, here, here, and (my favorite) here are several versions of this stinker.  After having just seen the t-shirt picture above on facebook, I thought it was time to post a rebuttal of sorts.

God is NOT like the Bayer Corporation, the makers of Bayer Aspirin and Alka-Seltzer because, unlike Bayer, God did not sponsor the torture and inhumane experiments perpetrated by the Nazis in World War II, nor did God hire a convicted Nazi war criminal as chairman (after he was convicted).  Nor is God suspected of perpetuating Civil war in the Congo, doing illegal genetic experiments, or continuing to sell a drug that had deadly side affects despite the availability of research pointing out that fact.

God is NOT like the Ford Corporation because, unlike Ford and its founding president, God is not anti-Semite.  He didn’t collaborate with the Nazis, or fund anti-Jewish propaganda.  Nor is God being sued by the relatives of victims of the Argentinean “dirty war” of 1976-1983 for collaborating with the Fascist government, turning over dissident factory workers to torture camps, and using Ford motor plants as temporary detention centers at the behest of the government.   Nor did God decide that it is more cost effective to pay settlements to burn victims in numerous lawsuits than fix the design flaw in one of Ford’s cars that caused explosions which resulted in those burns.

God is NOT like the Coca-Cola Company because God did not buy water rights in India and then not allow locals access to the water they need to survive, even though that country is one of the poorest in the world, and Coca-Cola sells their products to the richest.

God is NOT like Proctor & Gamble the makers of Tide and Bounty, because, unlike them, he does not release 350,000 pounds of toxic chemicals into the air annually.  Nor does God test potentially toxic products on animals.

God is NOT like General Electric, because, unlike GE, God did not single-handedly contaminate 40 miles of the Hudson River and, until forced to by the government, refuse to clean it up.  Nor did God subject employees and the general public to unsafe levels of toxic chemicals, or nuclear radiation.

God in NOT like Allstate, because, unlike that insurance company (and the vast majority of others), God does “routinely deny policyholders their full legitimate benefits.”

God is NOT like Henkel KGaA the makers of Dial soap because, unlike that company, He did not use Jewish forced labor during World War II to produce products.

God is NOT like General Motors, the makers of Chevrolet, because, unlike that company, He has not been accused of wide-spread corporate corruption, unsafe working conditions, or a host of other worker’s rights violations.

God is NOT like Maxwell House because, unlike that coffee company, God has not habitually exploited coffee farmers, paying them pennies on the dollar for their product, causing abject poverty and suffering.

In short, God is NOT like most multi-national corporations, because He loves mercy and requires justice, while most multi-national corporations love only money, and require only the bottom line, at the expense of God’s creation, and at the expense of millions of peoples’ lives and well-being.


  1. Speaking of ‘BS’…

    It’s hard to decide what is more inane, such mass emails, or the political rant of your post. I hate such corporations almost as much as I hate the vacuous pseud-intellectualism of your diatribe. Many words, but not an argument to be found. Perhaps you just judged that the majority of your audience would unquestioningly applaud.

    And, unfortunately, you were probably right.


    1. I’ll leave James to defend his own work, Mr. Melebranche, since he is more than capable – and we aren’t against a good pushback; but I see no need also to insult the readership of the blog. Considering this is your first time commenting I can’t imagine you know all that much about them.


      I’m curious, Marvin, where the analogia entis fits in…


  2. Mr. Malebranche,

    Perhaps you are using the term argument in a specialized way with which I am not familiar? I have stated an opinion and given reasons for that opinion, and I believe that is a valid form of argument. There is a factual basis for each reason that I give, though I felt it would be cumbersome and time consuming to fill the bottom of this post with footnotes. Being that this is an informal setting I think I will forgive myself for that.

    I would like to engage you on substantive level (if you wish), but apparently my pseudo-intellectualism and rampant inanity is getting in the way of my seeing your well-reasoned and insightful arguments veiled as they are (er…I mean, I am) in political rant and diatribe. It sucks being so vacuous.

    Tony is right to warn you against insulting our readership. I encourage you to read a few more posts in order to disabuse yourself of the notion that our readership just naturally applauds everything I write…look for comments by a certain George P. Wood.

    Sarcasm aside,

    I wish you a wonderful evening, and thanks for reading.

    Peace of Christ,


  3. James,

    “It sucks being so vacuous.”

    I LOL’ed

    By the way, while I think that “Malebranche” is a troll (and it’s hard to resist feeding the trolls, I know), I think that the real issue is not the real corporate identities behind these logos. The real issue is that trite, propositional equivocation like this passes as Christian theology these days. It is surely a sign of the impending zombie apocalypse.


  4. Shawn,

    You make an excellent point. I think it’s “both/and” not “either/or.” Maybe the natural result of trite propositional equivocation in theology is the near blasphemous besmirching of God’s name?


  5. The question is the handle in reference to Dante’s “evil claws” in the Inferno 21.29-42 which tormented corrupt political officials or Nicolas the priest of the 17th century.

    I would hazard a guess that it is the former, yet there are no political occicials or readers on the form that I’m aware.

    Subscribing to straight edge razors myself,it is my experience that God cuts through the BS like one.

    And if God is like a straight edge razor, I’m sure He would be a

    George Wostenholm & Son – Pipe razor in honor of this forum



  6. I thought this was funny. I didn’t take it you were seriously thinking you had to defend God against the accusation that he is “like Bayer aspirin.” Part of the humor, like a good opinion column in the Onion, is using way more words than necessary. I applaud you. Unquestioningly.


  7. James,

    I’m a little late to the party. I’m just catching up on your blogs from the past few months. Perhaps a more indicting blog be:

    God is not like the Catholic Church because….
    God is not like Anglicans because….
    God is not like Pentecostals because….
    God is not like Baptists because….

    Instead of point out the speck in the eye of an entity designed solely for the purpose of profit, look to the plank in the eye of our churches whose purpose is to know and make known Christ.



    1. Fine.

      God is not like the Church because we are more comfortable with metaphors of greed and avarice than with the truly radical and countercultural language and message of Jesus.

      Thanks for reading, Will! Tell your wife and kiddos hello from me.


  8. Hmmmm so I go backwards in today’s blog rideang and read this second after Words, Words, Words . What word was I drawn to? Example . Jesus did NOT example’, He did because it’s WHO He was. Oh My Goodness! How many times do we hear parents being told to be an example’ to their children? Or do we hear ourselves telling our children the same? As I read this blog a true revelation happened in my soul, like a lighting bolt from heaven. If all I am concerned with is exampling’ or teaching my kids how to example’, am I really becoming Christ-like or just exhibiting the right behaviors at the right time when I’m enough in the moment to do so? Additionally, am I teaching my children to do the same? Focusing on exampling the correct behavior instead of focusing on becoming like Jesus through spending time with Him , is kind of like comparing happiness to joy [in my world]. Happiness is fleeting because it’s a feeling’, while joy is a constant because it should be embedded in our core as a result of our relationship with Christ. Exampling is fleeting while Becoming is embedded.


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